robertoluongo: in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
psychoticpingouins: 48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
the-vashta-nerada: today my sister asked me for a glass of cold water and i sarcastically asked her “how cold” and she said “as frigid as your love life”
orange-whip: bebroom: a woman’s body is not for you. if she wants to cover it she should feel free and safe in doing so. if she wants to expose it she should feel free and safe in doing so. it is not an indication of her self-respect but an indication of her preferences for whatever reasons she chooses — none of which are your business or concern. Fact.
petparent: Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack
i’m jealous of people who have cute laughs and fast metabolisms and nice teeth and good hair and can just make any outfit look good and get along with everyone and are great at sports and do well in school because none of that is me
best-of-funny: bulletbakas: Ain’t no friendship like a friendship where you’re either confused as siblings or gay lovers X
ohshititsgreg: If your name is Frank and you don’t use the opportunity to say “let me be frank with you” every day then you are truly dead to me
akanedee: if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence
yuppadupp: thewholockgames: districteverthorne: what if someone wrote a book and the plot was basically amazing and the characters were awesome and at the end of the book, you’re dying to know what happens, all you see is a ripped page and the author actually did it on purpose and you’ll never know what happens because all the other published copies are like that too calm down satan Time...